Wednesday, January 2, 2013

new year's resolutions

As a blogger, I'm really good at talking about how other people should improve, and what better time of year for that sort of thing than the New Year season?  Before we get too far into 2013 I think what needs doing is to suggest resolutions for the important people in our life, that they may make our lives better.  Probably their own, too.  Here are New Year's resolutions for various people on the UVA scene:

-- Mike London: Take a personal interest in special teams.  Not so much as to interfere with the job that Jeff Banks was hired to do, but enough to let the undisciplined players that man those units know that the head coach is paying attention.

-- Mike Curtis: Find a way to keep the basketball players from breaking anything else inside their bodies.

-- Jim Delany: To learn the meaning of the phrase, "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

-- Fr. William Leahy, James Barker, Dr. Richard Brodhead, Dr. Eric Barron, Dr. Bud Peterson, Dr. James Ramsey, Dr. Donna Shalala, Dr. Holden Thorp, Dr. Randy Woodson, Fr. John Jenkins, Dr. Mark Nordenberg, Dr. Nancy Cantor, Dr. Teresa Sullivan, Dr. Charles Steger, Dr. Nathan Hatch: To tell Delany to F off when he forgets his resolution and starts snooping around.

-- Will Hill: After graduating with a double major in biology(!!) and African American studies while starting at defensive tackle and thereby putting 99.5% of UVA grads to shame, take a break for what must be the first time in four years.

-- Phillip Sims, Greyson Lambert, David Watford, and Matt Johns: Do something to seize the starting quarterback job.  Spend the offseason working on it; the job is won in February and June, not August.

-- Mike London, again: Pick one of them and stick with him.

-- Tony Bennett: At some point this season, an ACC ref will screw UVA so badly, us fans will wonder for the umpteenth time which Tobacco Road goon they are taking marching orders from.  When that happens, take a page out of Mike London's book and go bonkers.  Just once.

-- Karl Hess: Stop being such a diva.

-- NCAA tournament selection committee: Ignore any games against Old Dominion.

-- Morgan Moses: Get busy with footwork drills; that is the part of his game that's preventing him from being an elite offensive lineman.

-- Wide receivers: Set the JUGS machine to a zillion and work on keeping the ball in your hands.

-- Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr: This has nothing to do with UVA at all, but still: jump off a fucking cliff please.

No comments: