Wednesday, December 16, 2009

santa claus is coming to town

'Tis the season. It's Christmastime, the season of generosity. You know, peace on earth and goodwill towards men. In that spirit, Santa Claus is here to hand out presents to all 12 ACC schools. Yes, even VT and Maryland. Most of these 12 have been naughty and not too many have been nice, but it's a time of forgiveness. Here are your presents.

Boston College - A men's lacrosse team. Seriously, northeastern private schools ought to be required to have one by law. BC fans want one, but Title IX makes it a no-go.

Clemson - A basketball coach that knows what all those little X's and O's on his clipboard are for.

Duke - A bowl game sometime in the next couple seasons.

Florida State - To be in the same baseball regional as Ohio State for the next ten years.

Georgia Tech - A chain around Paul Johnson's ankles so he can never leave Atlanta. Except maybe to recruit. His first two years have put him on pace to exceed the accomplishments of even the great Bobby Dodd.

Maryland - A check large enough to buy out Ralph. Both of our programs have been in the kind of death spiral that only a new coach can fix. The size of Ralph's buyout locks Maryland into another couple seasons of doom.

Miami - An on-campus stadium. Sharing a building with a pro team is an inexcusable setup for a college team, especially one like Miami. Even worse, it's 20 miles away.

North Carolina - An occasional football win over rival NC State to go with their basketball dominance. It's been four years.

NC State - An occasional basketball win over rival UNC to go with their football dominance. It's been three years.

Virginia - National championships in everything, obviously. Failing that, I'll settle for a functional offense for both the football and basketball teams, and go from there.

Virginia Tech - A national championship in volleyball, so they finally have something to put in the trophy case. Also, while I was out shopping for BC's men's lacrosse team I found a cheap discount one they can have. That way the ACC can be an autobid league.

Wake Forest - Room for about 5,000 more students. Wake has managed to be a strong competitor in most sports despite being a relatively itty-bitty school. They could put the extra resources that a larger alumni base would bring to good use.

1 comment:

Winfield Featherston said...

We can put a leash around him instead.