i said OMAHA!

Holy shit.

It's times like these I wish I were Bill Simmons.  Not for the fantastic pile of shekels he must be sitting on; or the fact that he gets to live inside the velvet rope in Hollywood; or the fact that he can do both without having to take shelter from the paparazzi storm; or the fact that he got that way for being a sports fan with a talent for the pen.

OK, actually all that would be pretty cool.  But.

No, I just wish I had that talent with the pen sometimes.  Like right now, after seeing Chris Taylor bring to real life the dreams of every eleven-year-old kid in the country who ever picked up a bat.  If Bill Simmons were a UVA fan he'd do that pop-culture-sports weave thing he does and the magnitude of the moment would get even bigger somehow because it'd be just like some movie from 1987 and you'd all nod your heads and forward the link and I'd get paaaaaiiiid.  Eventually.  There's some steps between "write good" and "profit" but Step 1 can be awfully elusive.**

Then again, who needs it?  The narrative, I mean.  The moment speaks for itself.  You'll watch baseball the rest of your life and maybe the only time you'll ever see that kind of thing happen again is when your kid is throwing the ball to himself in the backyard.  And then it'll only be ghost runners.  Bases loaded, two outs, down by one - maybe not a full count but if you're that picky about your drama then you hate life - Chris Taylor lived the dream and we got to see it play out.  That's baseball drama, it doesn't get bigger than that.  Fuck LeBron, man - Nike should've saved their Witnesses ad campaign for a moment like that.

Course, to have that much drama, you need a worthy opponent.  I sort of hate to say it because it sounds condescending - when you're bleeding to death with a sword in your gut, "you died well" is of small consolation - but in many ways you couldn't ask for a better opponent.  Irvine isn't the most talented team in the land, and it's fun to make Irvine Baseball jokes about the announcers (at least this year the commentators were lavishing praise upon both teams, and boy were they lavishing) but you had to admit they were right.  Irvine does play an exhausting brand of baseball and they do it exceedingly well.  Classy coach and a team with guts and fight all the way to the end - it's hard not to feel a bit bad to see a team like that lose that way.  There are other teams I'd rather rip the hearts out of.  UVA is the more talented team but Irvine knows every trick in the book to close that gap in a hurry.

So here's the part that's gonna read like an Oscar acceptance speech (eat your heart out, Simmons) but hats off to Chris Taylor for obvious reasons, Kenny Swab for a huge homer to erase the memories of his centerfield error yesterday, Reed Gragnani for that huge pinch-hit walk, Taylor and Keith Werman for teaming up on a zillion double plays especially the one that held Irvine to one run in the ninth, Will Roberts for a gem, Tyler Wilson for another gem, Danny Hultzen for another gem with his worst stuff of the season (that's why he's the #2 pick!), Branden Kline for the guts to put a lot of adversity behind him and make some clutch-ass pitches, Jared King for some big-league hits at big-league times, and especially the coaching staff for keeping a level head, making all the right calls, trusting their players, and working with a steady hand at all times.  And oh hell, all the rest'a'you lugs I didn't mention.  Have yourself another dogpile.  If anyone's earned one it's this baseball team.  After the greatest ninth inning in UVA baseball history, Omaha beckons.

**HOWEVA, up until a week or so ago I did have something Simmons didn't: my own canvas with the freedom to be as, um, colorful as I want.  Seriously - this Grantland thing he's started really boils down to just one major difference between it and the ESPN space Simmons has: freedom to use swear words and potty language.  You can see why I like this independent thing.  Bill Simmons has parlayed sports fandom into the dreamiest of dreamy dream jobs and he still felt constrained enough to want to start up a whole new operation just so he could put "fucking" in front of the occasional adjective.

series preview: UC-Irvine

Date/Time:

Saturday, 6/11, 1 PM
Sunday, 6/12, 1 PM
Monday, TBA (if necessary)

TV: Saturday/Sunday, ESPNUVA; Monday ESPN2

History vs. the Anteaters: 2-0

Last matchup: UVA 4, UC-Irvine 1; Irvine, CA; 5/31/09 (NCAA Tournament, Irvine Regional)

Last game: UVA 13, ECU 1 (6/5); UC-Irvine 4, UCLA 3 (6/5)

Last weekend: UVA won Charlottesville Regional, 3-0 record; UC-Irvine won Los Angeles Regional, 3-0 record

National rankings: are either old, don't matter any more, or both

Irvine lineup:

C: Ronnie Shaeffer (.271-1-30)
1B: Jordan Fox (.335-0-25)
2B: Tommy Reyes (.282-0-28)
SS: D.J. Crumlich (.293-1-27)
3B: Brian Hernandez (.351-0-31)
LF: Drew Hillman (.336-5-50)
CF: Christian Ramirez (.294-0-32)
RF: Sean Madigan (.288-1-35)
DH: Jordan Leyland (.294-4-42)

Pitching probables:

Saturday: LHP Danny Hultzen (11-3, 1.57, 148 Ks) vs. RHP Matt Summers (11-2, 1.72, 96 Ks)
Sunday: RHP Tyler Wilson (8-0, 2.34, 111 Ks) vs. LHP Matt Whitehouse (4-0, 2.14, 59 Ks)
Monday: RHP Will Roberts (11-1, 1.61, 90 Ks) vs. RHP Crosby Slaught (7-2, 3.97, 47 Ks)

Bullpen:

LHP Jimmy Litchfield (2-1, 2.97, 33 Ks)
RHP Philip Ferragamo (2-0, 2.05, 24 Ks)
RHP Nick Hoover (2-4, 3.48, 23 Ks)
LHP Andy Lines (5-2, 2.60, 26 Ks)
RHP Brian Hernandez (3-2, 3.29, 23 Ks, 12 Sv)

We meet again.  UVA has only ever played UC-Irvine twice in the baseball history of the two schools, but they might've been the most important games in the baseball history of the former.  Prior to those games, UVA had never advanced past the regional stage of the baseball tournament, and national sixth-seed Irvine stood in the way.  Twice.  UVA had played in and even hosted regionals up til then under the guidance of Brian O'Connor, but playing Irvine twice and beating them twice announced to the world that UVA was finally ready to play with the big boys.  (And then showed it wasn't a fluke by beating Ole Miss in the ensuing super-regional.)

Along the way, UVA even made fans of the ESPN announcers, who'd prattled incessantly about "Irvine Baseball" as a style of play - nay, a calling, a way of life - and then when UVA beat them at that game, the announcers conceded that UVA could also play Irvine Baseball.

Admittedly, the two teams have a similar focus in mind when they take the field.  (What irritated UVA fans - besides the incessant talking about only the opposition - was the notion that Irvine had some kind of patent on contact hitting and good defense.)  Irvine has hit even fewer home runs this season than UVA has, so the outfield fans at Davenport won't be taking home many souvenirs this weekend.

Despite the lack of Gerrit Cole in the visitor's dugout, the Saturday pitching matchup is still intriguing, as the Eaters will throw Matt Summers, a fourth-round pick in this week's draft and the highest-chosen Irvine Anteater.  Summers has got the numbers, the Big West pitcher of the year award, and a no-hitter to boot, thrown against Long Beach State the final regular season weekend.  What he's missing is a breaking pitch.  OK, not exactly, but Summers loves his fastball.  A lot.  He's always been a hard thrower, but he's a converted outfielder and just recently figured out how to change velocities and learned a breaking pitch, and his ERA went from the 8s to the 1s in one season.

The Irvine lineup is exactly what you'd expect from a team that plays - ummmm - Irvine Baseball.  Only two home run threats: Drew Hillman and Jordan Leyland (no, not related to Tigers manager Jim) who've hit nine of Irvine's 13 homers.  The lineup hardly even has a top or bottom.  Most of these guys don't go slugging the ball all over the field (a .388 slugging average as a team) and none of the numbers anywhere jump off the page at you, but they're all solid contact hitters who know how to get on base.  Can't relax anywhere in the lineup.  Oh, and there's a deep bullpen.  No more hoping for the opposition to burn up their pitching staff; not gonna happen this weekend.  Strength against strength.

Style of play isn't the only thing that these two teams have in common: there's also the John Olerud Award, handed out to the best two-way player in the country.  Specifically, the semifinalists for said award; both teams have one.  Ours is Guess Who; they have perhaps an even more deserving candidate in Brian Hernandez, who bats .351 as the Irvine starting third baseman and has 12 saves as their closer.

So, two similar teams.  Irvine came out of a tough regional, and two of the five polls even placed them a few notches ahead of UCLA in their final regular season ballots.  There isn't an exploitable weak point on this team like there was on, say, St. John's.  They're no interloper.  That said, Irvine is essentially UVA-lite.  They have a lineup of good contact hitters, yes, but we have a better one.  More slugging and more .300 hitters.  They have some pretty good starting pitching, but, uh, Danny Hultzen.  They have a no-hitter this season.  UVA has a perfect game.  I'd give Irvine the edge in the pen based on depth, but on the other hand, we won't have to substitute our third baseman if we're up 3-2 in the ninth.  And in the ever-popular intangibles department, the Eaters were just 15-11 on the road in the regular season, only played four games outside the state of California (and none east of Spokane or Las Vegas, whichever's further east), and lost all four of them - a sweep at the hands of Gonzaga and a loss to UNLV.  This travel thing is definitely new.  UVA should win this series; if not, we can add another UVA baseball history superlative: biggest disappointment ever.