Monday, May 25, 2009


Someone at the UVA administration has been porking the daughters of the NCAA baseball selection folks. Probably an intern or something. No other logical explanation. No other way to describe it. The NCAA couldn't have screwed us harder with a spiny 10-foot pole. I opined yesterday that we would hopefully see a nice favorable matchup, having, I would have thought, earned it by hoisting the trophy in Durham. I failed to take into account the sheer burning hatred the NCAA apparently has for the University of Virginia baseball squad.

This should truly make for some fair competition. We get shipped to California, to face three California squads, including:

- The nation's #1 ranked team in everybody's ranking who matters at all. Five polls, five #1 rankings for UC-Irvine, our regional host. Those are all last week's rankings, but hey, no matter, whatever happened this week apparently didn't count in the seeding procedure anyway.

- The 100-mph-throwing, no-hitter-tossing, 17-strikeout-dealing, #1 pick in next month's draft. This is your first round matchup.

- The reigning national champions.

Are you seriously telling me that the champions of a top-three conference in baseball are the #2 seed least deserving to be placed in a geographically sensible regional? Not only are we the furthest-traveling #2 seed (edging Georgia Southern to Fullerton by a few hundred miles) we're the furthest-traveling team in the tournament, period. This is the reward for being ACC champions? Middle Tennessee gets a short hike to Louisville; South Carolina gets an even shorter trip to East Carolina; Miami gets to stay in-state and go to Gainesville. And we get shipped to fucking Irvine, California. To face Stephen Strasburg. Good one, NCAA selection committee. Thanks for nothing, assholes.

News was equally awesome on the lacrosse front. No screwjob here, just a team that had no desire to win a ground ball or a faceoff, and couldn't deal with a new defensive scheme. Cornell packed the area in front of the crease with five defenders, which meant that attacking the net, whether from behind as Danny Glading likes to do or from in front, Shamel Bratton-style, was fruitless. Any assault on the cage was met with a double-team which made shooting impossible and cut down the passing lanes. And the faceoffs - oh god the faceoffs. According to the box score we actually won 13-of-25, but that didn't matter - as soon as we'd win one, we'd lose it right back because we had no concept of keeping the ball safe. Sloppy.

The real problem, of course, with garbing up for the game and slapping the V-sabre magnets on the car and literally wearing your loyalties on your sleeve and your head and everywhere else is the walk of shame back through the parking lot if you lose. These are the risks you take. Apparently there aren't as many UVA grads in the Boston area as I thought, because the UVA turnout was as miserable as the game. Next time I go to some kind of game up here, people, I expect backup when I get yelled at by random middle-school brats. I think they said, "Go Cornell" or something like that but what I heard was "I need you to run me over with your car." I wasn't in a giving mood, so I chose not to honor the request.

Also: Hokies - til you sack up and have the cojones to face us with a lax team of your own, making fun of ours will not be tolerated. This pansy club team stuff you run ain't cuttin' it.

Bitch bitch bitch, that's all I do, isn't it? Let me leave you with a little perspective: Happy Memorial Day.

1 comment:

furrer4heisman said...

i hate myself for laughing hysterically at this post. ok, hate might be a strong word. i chortled at least.